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Mallett and Michelle On Dripping Springs Podcast
Mallett and Michelle On Dripping Springs Podcast
Every week from Dripping Springs, Texas, Steve Mallett and Michelle Lewis sit down with fascinating guests-from entrepreneurs and musicians to elected officials, authors, and community leaders-for conversations that are funny, authentic, and full of stories worth sharing. They dive into everything from life's absurdities to community quirks, adding their signature blend of small-town charm and bold candor. Think of them as the funny neighbors with the best stories-the ones who always tell it like it is. With a healthy dose of Hill Country spirit, they explore local happenings and universal topics that connect us all, proving you don't need to be famous to be extraordinary-you just need a microphone and the courage to share your voice. Every episode delivers laughter, insight, and genuine connection. New episodes every week...because ordinary people make the best damn stories.
Oct. 6, 2026

Ep.248 Dr. Horse Doctor Matt Evans-Vet and Stand Up Comedy

Guest:

Dr. Matt Evans is what happens when one career and one hobby just aren’t enough. He’s a Texas A&M–trained equine veterinarian practicing outside Austin, a stand-up comedian performing around Central Texas and beyond, a writer, and because apparently he still had free time, an oil painter. He’s been married for more than 25 years and has two daughters, all of whom he freely admits are better than he deserves. By day he handles thousand-pound patients who can kick him, and by night he gets onstage in front of audiences who can be just as brutal.

Monologue:

  • Remembering Jacob Graner
  • New World Champion Is An American!
  • UBER Moves Closer At ATX
  • Linkedin Is Now Full Of Scammers
  • Orphan Negatives-What?
  • AI Food Pictures Are Unsettling

Saying what needs to be said and broadcasting straight outta Dripping Springs, Steve Mallett and Michelle Lewis serve up unfiltered, unforgettable conversations with the most interesting folks you've never heard of-yet. From wild small-town stories and Hill Country gossip to sharp takes on real life, they mix humor, heart, and a healthy dose of Texas grit. It’s like pulling up a chair at your favorite local bar, where the banter is real, the guests are bold, and nobody’s afraid to speak their mind. You’ll laugh, you’ll think, and you just might see your own story in theirs. New episodes every week...because ordinary people make the best damn stories. They're not building an echo chamber. They're building a table. Big difference.

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Where'll you be going?

SPEAKER_00

Texas. Damn, son. Where'd you find this? Go on, make it happen. And now here's Steve and Michelle.

SPEAKER_03

Welcome to Malida Michelle on Dripping Springs. I'm Michelle and this is Steve and you know. Hello, Steve. After five years of doing this show together, Steve and I have learned a lot about each other. Five years? Maybe a little too much. And lately we've been getting on each other's nerves just a little more than usual. And in fairness, I've been going through a tough season. I've been overscheduled, overwhelmed, dealing with some pretty heavy life stuff lately. And apparently my coping mechanism is just keep adding things to my calendar until my pronoun personality becomes everybody else's problems. But here's the beauty of this podcast, I want to say. We can irritate the hell out of each other and still show up every Tuesday and do a show together. That's either friendship, professionalism, or a deeply unhealthy codependency. And I'm kind of going with that. We haven't designed it.

SPEAKER_07

All of the above.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah. And while you're dealing with all that stress, I had open heart surgery, which is I'm coming out of that just fine. What you had open heart surgery? No, we didn't talk about that at all on the podcast.

SPEAKER_03

But we're here, we still like each other mostly. And welcome to Mallet and Michelle.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, welcome to the show, everybody. I want to remind you that if you want to follow us on YouTube, you can get uh early listening to or watching of our uh videos on Monday morning.

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On Monday.

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Because we released the audio versions on Tuesday. So go subscribe to our Mallet and Michelle podcast on YouTube.

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You know, all the cool kids are doing it now.

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I know. The YouTube. Yeah, anybody under 30 years old, when I tell them go listen on Spotify, they go, Is it on YouTube? Yes, it's on YouTube.

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Everything's on YouTube for sure.

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I wonder if you went in there and asked Gibbs, hey, I'll open up a bank account if you give me a free toaster.

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SPEAKER_03

I really am. We have Dr. Matt Evans. He spends his days working on horses and his nights telling jokes, which means he gets heckled by animals around the clock. He's a Texas AM trained equine veterinarian practicing in Driftwood, a stand-up comedian, writer, husband, father of two, and self-described mediocre painter. You know, that's welcome to the podcast, Matt.

SPEAKER_08

Thanks for having me. Welcome to the show, Matt. I never thought that our intro would say veterinarian and comedian in the same sentence, but there you are.

SPEAKER_01

That's right. I'm one of I'm the only uh horse doctor comedian. So the only one.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, the only one that I know of.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I look around every day at Google horse vet comedians. It's always just me.

SPEAKER_03

Not only are you a horse doctor, you are a horse, a horse dentist doctor.

SPEAKER_01

That's mostly what I do. Yeah. Horse teeth. Yeah, horse teeth.

SPEAKER_03

Which I have used that as a derogatory term before.

SPEAKER_01

Well, that's not very nice.

SPEAKER_08

Horse teeth, too. But you didn't grow up with horses.

SPEAKER_01

No, that's yeah, that's kind of the my whole story for the book, is that I I I grew up in suburban North Austin.

SPEAKER_08

When you went to AM, what made you go? Yeah, I'm gonna do equine veterinarian.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so that that is like a well, I guess that's chapter three probably of the book. But it uh so um uh what what happened was I read um all about um James Harriet, all creatures great and small. I read that when I was 14 and I wanted to become James Harriet. That was my dream was to you know do that. But then I, you know, quickly realized that uh 1940s Yorkshire Dales doesn't really exist. Yeah, maybe some of the things I was looking for weren't real. So so I started to look around in vet vet school and um they exposed you to everything. And I that's part of the book I like goes through all the different species. And then um, but then when I first met horses, it I was just drawn to them, and some people are. You know, I think they're I think they're the gene. Uh you know, I think humans and horses go back so far that some people just really want to be around them.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, and when you're around them a little bit, you realize how intelligent they are. Oh, they're amazing. Yeah, yeah. They pick up on things. They're like like uh dogs with a higher intelligence. They pick up intelligence, they pick up on things that human beings don't pick up on sometimes.

SPEAKER_01

Right. They're really good at reading body language. And I think, you know, dogs are predators whereas horses are prey animals. And so they're always watching, you know, when when we're humans with them, we're in their herd, so they're always watching us for cues, are they safe? Which is one of the things I've uh done with humor is that I didn't realize I was doing this early on, but but net then once I learned about it, I really was intentional about it. But if I could make the people around me laugh, the clients and colleagues, the horses would relax too. Because they know that laughing people, smiling people are safe people.

SPEAKER_02

Can you make a horse laugh?

SPEAKER_01

Um that's a groaner. I I yeah, you made me laugh with that one. Um they uh yeah, I mean, you know, they do not uh you know the laugh, but they they're body language, they're very easy to read once you spend time reading.

SPEAKER_03

I watched a lot of Mr. Ed. Okay, yeah. Mr. Ed laughs sometimes. He did, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Now I uh I do an expose expose on that in the book. Now I don't want to ruin the there there was a there was peanut butter involved. There was there was yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So, you know, being in the real estate world, um Steve and I have encountered a lot of buyers um that have come from parts um far, far in a far, far land away. Um, and they say, I want to own some land and I want to have some horses, because that is exactly what I've always dreamed of. But what is something that non-horse people just really don't understand? I mean, people always say, Oh, they're big dogs. They're big dogs.

SPEAKER_01

I bet, yeah. Just how much land you have to have to have a horse um sustainably, or if you're not gonna, you know, this area was not meant for I love it. I love dripping springs, it's beautiful. There's a reason why why we all live here, but it's limestone and and no topsoil. There's not enough grass in Hayes County to feed one horse. Yeah. Um, and so you you need to plan for it. You can't just buy your three acres and then fence it off and then put the horse out. It's you're they're gonna destroy the land. They they weigh so much, they eat so much, so you have to plan and have a place for them. And then also just how much work they are, you know. They they eat hay and poop work and you know, they eat money and poop work is the old joke.

SPEAKER_08

We've actually had people go, they're they're buying an acre to an acre and a half, and they go, Yeah, I want to put a barn and we'll put a little paddock. And then it's it's almost to me, that's almost like chaining your dog in the backyard. And and you know, and then yeah, you get to look out your back window at the horse, but that horse is miserable because they're in a 30 by 30 foot pen all day that's all muddy and there's nothing in there to do. And it's not good.

SPEAKER_01

Kind of depressing. I mean, we have horses that live in small situations like that, but they're in training barns, and so they're in work all the time, and then they have a turnout regimen in a paddock with with pasture mates, with friends, and so I mean that's the other thing is you you need very rarely will a horse be happy by itself. So you they need another horse with them or a donkey or a goat. That's where the phrase I'm gonna get your goat.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, really? Yeah, so race horses would be anxious, they would give them a goat install to keep them calm. And then if you wanted to cheat at racing, which of course you want to cheat at race, if you're gonna race, you should cheat at it. And so uh you would steal your uh humans and animals together in competition. Lovely. Um I your goat? Yes, I'm gonna go. I thought he was keeping you calm. So no, so they steal the goat, and then the horse is all frantic all night and doesn't race well the next day. So that really gets my goat. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03

I uh I watch, I uh you know, occasionally I'm a TikToker, right? And there's occasionally occasionally. There's Nate, the the hoof. Have you seen him? The hoof guy.

SPEAKER_01

I know that people love those videos, but I do.

SPEAKER_03

I could sit there and watch uh uh somebody shoe a horse all day.

SPEAKER_08

That's the horse version of Dr. Pimple Popper. I like that too. I do like that also. Matt, um horses. Uh we I have been around horses quite a bit. I wouldn't say I'm an expert.

SPEAKER_03

We've owned some He had one in his his kitchen or his living room, sorry.

SPEAKER_08

That's a whole nother story. Yeah. Uh we we had like 12 acres and we let the horse roam. We kept them in a about four acres, and then but occasionally we let him out. One time Michelle came over to visit, and I don't remember how, somebody left the back door, one of the kids left the back door open or something, and the horse actually got in the kitchen. Yes. I mean like a full-fat horse in your kitchen. Yeah, yeah. But the the one thing about horses I I've always wondered is are horses sort of like people where some of them are geniuses and they're super smart and some of them are like dumb as rocks?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, absolutely. Yeah, they the entire spectrum. Yeah, yeah, for sure. It's true. Oh, absolutely funny to me.

SPEAKER_08

Because yeah, sometimes you can go up to a horse and you expect it to act a certain way based on the the way uh horses have been in the past, and that horse will be completely.

SPEAKER_03

Steve, don't you know a horse is a horse, a horse, a horse? Yes, unless of course I do.

SPEAKER_01

Are all of your references gonna be Mr. Ed for the entire show?

SPEAKER_03

I studied really hard. I studied really hard for this interview.

SPEAKER_01

Well, that is that is good. No, some of them are yeah, some of them are not as bright, you know, and then like the ponies are smart always. Okay, evil ponies. I love them. That's my spirit animal of the ponies, okay.

SPEAKER_03

Ponies are not little kid horses, right? Ponies are ponies?

SPEAKER_01

Well, yeah, yeah, but some people will just call any horse a pony if they're talking casually, but um actually like it's below a certain height if a if a pony. Oh I didn't know that. Um and so they qualify and then they get showed in pony classes, and they typically get ridden by children because you know, children are small. I don't know if you've seen them, but they're small too. Children? I've seen a couple of them. A couple of children. So they go they go together. But uh, the funny thing, you know, people get into like little children, it's a classic story. They want to ride, somebody puts them on a pony, the pony is rotten because they're geniuses. And so the pony like drags the child off, they never ride again. So there's certain ponies that like if a child still loves horses after they ride that pony, they really love horses. I I love ponies. They're they're they have so much personality, and um yeah, they're such trouble. I like the one, like you were talking about smart ones. Sometimes there's a horse that'll can break out of any stall. And the ones I love not only break themselves out, but they break out all of their stallmates. Yes, and they're like, let's have a party. You know, awesome.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, they're like, yeah.

SPEAKER_08

When you treat the horses that are super smart and the horses that are not so smart, do you have to approach them differently? Or are you just kind of like it they're all the same?

SPEAKER_01

No, I mean every each horse has to be approached differently, even on different days. You know, they we all they're just like us, they have good days and bad days.

SPEAKER_08

And so that's what I'm not doing right with you. I approach you the same every day.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly. You gotta read their body language and you know, see what situation they're in.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, read their body language, Steve.

SPEAKER_01

Are your ears pointing back, Michelle? Yeah, isn't that the sign of a horse that's like, oh that's a very clear sign. Yeah, really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_08

What so what does it mean, Matt, when the horse is.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, they're angry, they're they're uh feeling defensive, you know. Yeah, they're looking for a way out of that situation. That way may even involve kicking you, you know, if they need to. So I mean you watch horses interact in the pasture, and like, you know, there'll be a horse standing there eating hay happily, and then another horse will come up behind it and they'll pin their ears. And if that other horse either doesn't see that, but more likely is just like, nah, I'm gonna try you out. Yeah, they'll get kicked if they get keep on, oh man, they're so hard on each other. It's uh yeah, they're tough animals. So yeah. Wow.

SPEAKER_03

When was the last time you rode a horse, Steve?

SPEAKER_08

Oh, it's probably been ten ten years. Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

That the last time was when we went to Hawaii and I was hating life. Well, I was hating it.

SPEAKER_01

But it's so common in Hawaii. I'm sorry that happened to you.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I know. It's I live a I live a sad little life.

SPEAKER_08

But those barn horses where they you take out six people in a line, those horses generally are not super happy.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that's a hard lot. I mean, I I think it, you know, I I I always say this about horses. People like because I didn't grow up around them, I don't have a breed that I grew up riding. So like some people just love quarter horses and they hate thoroughbreds or whatever. I I don't have a breed that I hate and because of that. But what I've noticed is that there are barns full of happy horses that are well behaved and barns full of miserable horses that are that are poorly behaved, and it's the humans and it's how they treat them. Yeah, that's what decides it. Not the breed, not any of that.

SPEAKER_08

But is the are the horses that are happy, are they generally getting some work? They're they have a feel like they have a purpose.

SPEAKER_01

Right. But yeah, and the reason I said that is I I think there probably are those places that have six horses that take people out, and the horses are happy because they're treated well and they know that's their job, and that's and they take pride in their work. Horses love the some horses love their job, just like some people do. And so it and but that's but all about the leadership in that barn. Yeah, yeah. Interesting.

SPEAKER_03

I think of Rhett Arena, right when you're saying that, you know, how gentle those giants are with those precious babies and you know, the equine therapy that kind of goes on over there.

SPEAKER_01

Um those horses love their job. And uh I'm glad you brought up Rhyth Arena before everybody listening starts to truly hate me. I want them to know I'm on Rhett Arena's board. Oh, yeah, yeah. And uh this is my second stint on their board. I was uh an original board member and then you know they they run it right, so I had to take I wasn't kicked off. They had you know, you have to take a break. Yeah. So I rolled back on. So um super proud. Austin Equine, uh our hospital's been a supporter of Rhyth Arena since the beginning, and um it I really love their work. But um it if anybody gets a chance to go to their roundup and watch those horses do their job, you can that you can see real pride in work. It it is it's a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_03

Is is it a temperament thing that um when they are choosing those horses? Because I know there's probably opportunities where people are donating horses to that and say, okay, well, I have you know, I I'm moving, I'm selling, or whatever. And so are you having to kind of weed out the horses?

SPEAKER_01

Yes, and uh I don't know how often that that happens, that they have to weed some a horse out, but uh Jen and um her right-hand uh horse wrangler Kate are really good at it.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And they they know what kind of horse they're looking for and they know how to integrate a horse in their program and find a horse's strengths and weaknesses and match them with whatever job they need to do. And so they're they're good. That's a classic example of that, is just uh um the leadership is good, the horses love their job, and it's a well-run place. And and of course, they're what they're after is a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_08

So yeah, it's it's there's actually a lot of research that not the kids that get on those horses not only is it rewarding because they're getting to be around a great big animal, but there's actually the movements are actually can increase like pathways in their brain and help them to have better outcomes.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, ton of wonderful research and the and the outcomes that they get out there anecdotally are really wonderful.

SPEAKER_03

So does that kind of tie into what horses can can teach us? I mean, what what are they necessarily teaching us? Like when you when you have a special needs child or even you know veteran that's going through PTSD or something, what is actually the mechanic behind it? Like if an if a grown 200-pound man is sitting on this large animal, what is the horse feeding back energy-wise?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean they they give you so much feedback, and so I I think that's a lot of the value. Now, I I'm not I don't want to delve off into things I'm not qualified to speak on. So as much as I love Red Arena, I don't I've not read those papers. So I I just see the outcomes.

SPEAKER_08

I see how much I just skimmed a few of them, but they all for the the ones I've read, they for all for the most part say that when a child with special needs is involved in equine therapy, it's uh it the outcomes are generally much better for whatever reason. Yep, absolutely. So uh wanted to ask you the the dentistry thing. So you're doing more dentistry, so you started out just kind of being a general equine veterinarian, but now you're sort of specializing in dentistry. Right.

SPEAKER_01

How'd that happen? Yeah, and yeah, uh not that anybody listening would be too anal about this, but the word specialist would be if I had like a board certification, then I don't. So um but not that I just don't want you to get sued.

SPEAKER_04

The horse police, the horse dental society comes after.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, well, and if we get sued, they'll take our whole five dollars and eighty seven stuff. They're actually waiting outside the door.

SPEAKER_01

No, yeah, so yeah, like you said, I'm uh I graduated um uh and I went and worked my first job, which is what um the book is about, what chomping in a bit about is about is me working at the job. And then I left there and joined my uh partner here. He had already started Austin Equine in 2004. I joined him in 2005. And so then we did everything. We were ambulatory, I did did it all. And then um there's a thing that happens in professional careers, uh, you get a certain point, and it usually is about like year eight or so, eight to eleven, you get a little bored, which is crazy that you worked this hard. You know, you go through an intense period where you feel like you're an imposter and then you get good at it, and then pretty quickly you're bored. And so right when that happened, I went to a continuing education conference and it was a dental conference. And I the guy who taught us dentistry at AM, his name was Scrutchfield, Leon Scrutchfield, what a great name. But uh he uh he he was really well known. So I thought I was taught as much dentistry as anybody, but I went to this continuing education and I got there late, my plane landed late, and when I sat down, they were talking about equine dental anatomy, and I didn't know any of the words they were saying. And so I was like, I either need to get really good at this or stop doing it. And so, like in that moment, I was like, Well, I guess I'm gonna get really good at equine dentistry, and that that really revitalized my career because uh, like I I went to a ton of continued education, I did a lot of studying, I traveled and trained with different vets, and then you know, by at this point in my career, I'm doing procedures that I didn't even know about in school, that weren't even invented when I was in school. And so it's really helped a lot.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, because their teeth are so important. A horse with bad teeth, their general health goes way downhill. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03

I well, I want to know is it really hard to get the horse to wear its retainer like it was my kids?

SPEAKER_01

Or you know, here's what they'll do is that they'll they'll um throw them away, you know, with a napkin after lunch.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, and you have to dig them out of the trash can at Chick-fil-A.

SPEAKER_01

Or put them in their jean jacket, leave it in the locker. No, horse teeth are fascinating. I could I could bore y'all and your listeners, they're they're very different than human teeth and small animal teeth called ridicular hipsidon teeth, so they're continually elongating and erupting. And so uh the equine dentistry is this really fascinating field because until the 1970s, we didn't have drugs to sedate a horse well enough to look in her mouth. So veterinarians didn't really want anything to do with horse teeth. Then we were like, we'll just let the lay person do it. The farrier, the same guy, you know, that's a lot of people. Yeah, they would just stand up straight and file their teeth, and that was it. And then so a long history of lay dunest working, and then in the you know, 70s they invented the alpha twos, and so we could say sedate a horse and people started looking in their mouth. So it we really had to like it's really advanced a lot, even in my career in my 23 years, because we hadn't been looking, and so we really found out a lot about how their teeth work and and and what pathologies they have and what we can do about those. And so the I imagine the things I'm teaching right now will be out of date. You know, in 20 years, people will be like, yeah, Dr. Evans was great and nice enough, but that that's a that was a really dumb idea than he was performing.

SPEAKER_08

But that's that's sort of medical science in general, right? Like if you think about how we treated people 50, 60 years ago, you were all like, wow, they did that to human beings, right? Yeah, lobotomies. Yeah, lobotomies.

SPEAKER_03

It was pretty it was a trend in the world. I guess I'll cancel mine next week, then yeah. I guess for sure. So um then you decided, okay, you know, horse teeth isn't fascinating enough. I think I'm gonna go straight into comedy. And was this something that your wife had to have an intervention about and go, okay, are you having a midlife crisis or what's going on?

SPEAKER_01

I I do think there was a midlife crisis involved in some of that. Um yeah, you know, I'd always loved a joke, always um made clients laugh, and it was really important part of my daily life and career. But I never had considered doing stand-up, right? I thought that stand-up comedians were like another uh you know, they were made in a factory somewhere. Sure, yeah, I know what you mean. So yeah, uh I ran into a few people around Austin because Austin has a great stand up scene.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, it's the comedy scene here, it's like it's it's it's worldwide. That's right.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and it's really taken off post COVID. But even before that, when I got into it, there was a lot of things. Going on. So I'd meet people and they'd be like, Yeah, I do stand-up. And I'm like, What do you mean you do stand-up? And they're like, Yeah, I do this during the day and I do that at night. So it started to germinate, you know, and then I was like, I'm gonna go try it. What was your first experience with it? Oh, my first experience was at a let me, I'm trying to remember the name of the conference, right?

SPEAKER_03

Is that what I read?

SPEAKER_01

That was that was my first good experience with it. So I you know I went to open mics in Austin and I'm trying I can't remember the name of the bar, but it was at like I drove into Austin, 183 and Olin Road. Um, and you know, and I went and open mics are their own animal and uh bombed and was like, well, maybe I'll never do this again. But then I uh got a chance to do um comedy at the Equine Veterinary Conference for all my colleagues. 300 people in the room, and like uh I uh they had a story night, a vet story night, and and I told the guy after I had had a few drinks, I was like, Hey, I do comedy, you know. Me too, which is what I should have said was like, hey, I've bombed at some open mics in Austin. But he he took me up on it, and so I wrote 10 minutes of all equine vet stuff, and it was real insider baseball, you know. It it was easy, easy jokes, but it was stuff I joked about forever, but it went well.

SPEAKER_08

And um Well that isn't that the thing to to tell jokes about what you know, like like stick with the the material that you really understand.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, and that's one you know nice thing about having a whole nother career beforehand is that the jokes I write are very different than everybody else I'm on shows with. Because I have a whole nother experience. Whereas you know, a lot of good comics that are young, they're really funny guys. They're I mean super sharp and uh gals and they they're great stage presence and everything like that. But they have you know, it's it's all drugs and sex, and and then if they get good enough, then it's drugs, sex, and airplane travel, you know, in hotels.

SPEAKER_03

You know, my jokes pretty much just write themselves. Like it I just they just kind of walk into. But I won't.

SPEAKER_08

Just pop right in your head. There's no filter that says, nah, I probably shouldn't say that. That's a joke, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Sometimes I'm the only one that's laughing. But I wanted to ask you about the mechanics of like writing a joke or getting up in front of people. Yeah, what makes things funny. Yeah, or famous for, either or, but to now say it to an audience that doesn't know the back of the state.

SPEAKER_08

And I'm I'm sorry to step on your question, but you can have two people tell the same joke and one you can't laugh, and the other person does it, and you're like, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Right, timing and delivery.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, the the trick is like when you you're in a group, everybody's talking, and then you say that one line, it gets a big laugh. Now, like recognizing that was funny and like filing that, that's part of like the joke writing process. But the trick on stage is you don't have that group running, and you also don't have that time. Like nobody's just gonna sit and listen to you preamble for a long time. So the trick is to make you know, you have to provide all that information very quickly, then that's all the setup. And then the line you gave, that's the punchline. And so that's that's like the art of it. The uh person I point people to, if you want to actually think about how stand-up comedy works, is Jim Gaffigan. He's very harsh 11.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

He's a he's a technician. Like he uh he's a setup and punchline, and then he'll they call it tagging, he'll he'll get more laughs at it. He'll just continue to tag it. You know, the hot pocket routine is just like one setup and then 10 minutes of tags. So it's really beautifully done. If you want to not learn stand-up comedy, he's amazing, but you could listen to Nate Bargassi for the rest of your life and not figure out why what he that's more what you were talking about. It's like, why is that funny?

SPEAKER_02

He's so dry, yeah.

SPEAKER_08

Perfect example, Matt. Because you listen, you you see him and he talks about something and like, why am I laughing? But it's funny, but you don't understand why.

SPEAKER_01

He's amazing, yeah. And he's put a ton of work into it. One thing I have noticed he does is he stumbles on purpose a lot. And so he's given you a moment for your brains catching up, and you get to think the same thought. And so when he says it out loud, you get like an endorphin rush because you're like, that's what I was thinking. But he gave you plenty of time to get to it.

SPEAKER_08

The other thing I like about him though is uh he's he's not completely clean, but he's clean enough you can sit with like your dad or your mom and l and listen to him and you don't feel weird. Like who there's a female comedian, um uh Al Ali Wong. Oh yeah, wonderful. Uh she's she's really good, she's really smart, but her older stuff is super funny. Her newer stuff, I was sitting with my wife and we were watching it, and I said, babe, I can I can't listen to this. This is so crude and nasty. So uh, but you know, they change over time. But I like Nate because he's not he he doesn't throw stuff in there that makes you no, and that's a good niche that he has, you know, and he does that on purpose.

SPEAKER_01

Um you know, because uh you can share it with more people with a wider audience.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, what about hecklers? You said you bombed your first night. Have you ever been heckled? And how do you handle it?

SPEAKER_04

Buckle up, because here we go. Yeah, we go.

SPEAKER_01

Um yeah, you've been doing a pretty good job of heckling so far. Yeah. Um good, yeah. Um so you know, uh open mics, nobody's heckling because like nobody's listening. You know, there don't have to be somebody there who cares. Oh, it's the worst. Like open mics are good for like the experience of like this is what it feels like to be on stage, this is what it feels like to have the microphone, the lights in your eyes, all that stress. But then you need to kind of keep moving, or otherwise you stagnate there. But uh rarely do people um like we have these shows we put on in dripping springs, I do them with can even comedy and we do.

SPEAKER_03

Donna Lee.

SPEAKER_01

Uh-huh. Yeah, Donna Lee's one of the things. And generally people don't want to heckle with those shows. You know, they they they showed up, they want a good time. Um yeah, but uh uh sometimes on shows in Austin you will get interrupted. But they've had they've always had too much to drink.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And so the trick is like to to shut them down with humor, to say something funny, but then also don't be so mean the audience doesn't turn on you. You know, you need to like assert your dominance, but you cannot be nasty about it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, that's gotta be a f a fine line.

SPEAKER_03

There's some well. We've had a friend that was kicked out of a Joe Rogan um was she just they introduced it. She was it, she was being obnoxious.

SPEAKER_08

Uh there was probably too much alcohol involved. There was probably too much alcohol involved in the way of them.

SPEAKER_03

But what I want to ask is, you know, a couple of years ago, it seemed like the world was a little sensitive and nobody could take a joke.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And I feel like we're we're healing a little bit. I watch, I watch uh Kill Tony and uh um you know, I want to talk, I want to explore Kill Tony a little bit for you. But I watch Kill Tony and I watch some of these new um uh comedians go up there and it's like okay, that was totally inappropriate, but that was really freaking funny. That was really freaking funny. So do you think that that we're kind of getting back to where, okay, you can joke about it. I mean, I I think as a comedian, nothing should be off limits.

SPEAKER_01

Uh nothing is off limits, but it does have to be funny. Yeah, I I I I subscribed less to the like that everybody got too sensitive where you couldn't say funny things, and and more to there was a lot of people pushing the envelope and they they but they just weren't funny, you know. And so that that that's the trick. There's uh actually like a theory on this. They call it the benign violation theory, where for a joke to work, it needs to be benign, not cause harm, but it needs to be a violation of our normal societal behavior. And when you hit that, that's funny. Now, when you miss, you miss all the way over in benign land, you've made a dad joke. And when you miss all the way over in violation land, then you say you can't say anything nowadays. Well, you can, but it has to be funny. You gotta nail it.

SPEAKER_03

And I'm not gonna say his last name only because I don't want to get sued. Okay, but um little, little Kevin.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_03

It was awful.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, he wasn't hitting, right? He was he was just being offensive.

SPEAKER_03

This, yes, and you know, there is a line between being offensive and being funny, and and you know, he was taught there was a bit about his daughter in the time she was she was a teenager, was like, this isn't it was uncomfortable listening to it. I was not.

SPEAKER_08

Do you know who was the master of that? He's passed away, Norm MacDonald. Wonderful. Have you ever listened to if he was on uh one of the late night shows and he was talking about the crocodile hunter who died by getting stabbed in the chest by and uh it's it's so insensitive, but it's so funny. And the host was laughing. He was like, please don't make me laugh. It feels so wrong, but I can't help myself. He was the master of walking that fine line. Wonderful. Yeah, yeah. He's uh he's uh he was uh probably one of the best comedians of all time. He could say stuff that you go, I like holy crap, but then you're laughing.

SPEAKER_03

Are there things off limits for you, like subjects that you won't talk about?

SPEAKER_01

I work pretty clean. Um I I'm I'm probably closer to Nate Bargatszy than than anybody. And you know, it's on purpose. I have a husband and a father, and I I I would I want my children to be able to hear my comedy and be proud of it. And so and also like I don't think people want to hear me talk about, you know, all those kind of things. And so another thing is it's a it's a wider place to hit for me. I I feel like if you're gonna if you're gonna really be edgy, you better be really funny, and so it has to be perfect, or else you will alienate your audience really quite.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, like do you if you come up with a joke and you go, wow, that's really funny, do you before you go on stage, do you try it on a couple people that you have?

SPEAKER_01

I ha I have people, yeah, my business partner, uh Dr. O'Gain, Damon O'Gan, is a great uh joke pitcher. He's an honest, you know, he'll he'll tell you, oh, that's funny, or that needs work. And so he's really good. I I pitch him to my wife, like I'll be shaving and think of a joke, and I'll come out and tell her, and she never wants to hear that no more extra. Oh, yeah, yeah. She would tell me if something she doesn't want me to take to the stage. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Well, what about a story that you have like it's kind of along these lines that you really think, okay, this is funny, but I just don't know how to package it to tell this story.

SPEAKER_01

You just work it. Yeah, yeah. And you know, you gotta trust your instincts that like if you think it's funny, it is funny. And if it's not hitting on stage, it's because you're not sharing that like you're not getting that idea of cross.

SPEAKER_03

It's not the you just had to be there kind of moment, right? You can't do that on stage.

SPEAKER_01

You cannot say that, you just had to be there.

SPEAKER_08

Do you do you uh do you keep a notebook or something so when an idea hits you, you write it down? Absolutely. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so I'll write it in my notes app in the phone and like just a funny idea, and then and then I I write all my comedy longhand. I'll just sit down and like no editor, I'll write it out, and then I'll I'll kind of go over that in my head and edit it down to it. By the time it makes it into the stage, it's usually like 90% different than whatever was that first thing that I think is just the initial concept.

SPEAKER_08

You write that down and then play with it. Uh I know you've had some great sets. You've probably been in some great in front of some great crowds. What's what's that like? What's that high like when you walk off stage and people are just laughing and busting up? What's that feel like?

SPEAKER_01

Amazing. Like I've never done cocaine, but I assume it is very similar. I mean, that's the deal. That's a drug, you know. That's the whole thing. You know, like um and that's what hit that very first time in back in 2017 in front of my colleagues. Like I said the first joke, and then it's just like a roar of laughter. And it rolls to the back of the room and then it rolls back up, and it's like, yes, just straight to the veins.

SPEAKER_08

But and then also there's like a momentum, right? Because when the crowd has that laugh, then they're more likely to laugh at the next joke. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01

It's a hive mind. The crowd is like this one unit and they all decide together whether they love you or hate you, and that's pretty, pretty wonderful when it works.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, I I I I think that would scare the hell out of me, but if it worked, you'd be like on cloud nine. Oh, yeah. Not much feels better. There's some things that feel better.

SPEAKER_03

But maybe my favorite subject is Steve. I think it's funny.

SPEAKER_08

I just a lot of material there, Matt.

SPEAKER_01

Right, but it's yeah, but you need people that just really know Steve. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03

They do, they get it. They get it. So um do people just expect you to be just out of the gate, just naturally funny when you're not even on stage. So like if I asked you, okay, if you could make a joke, what's the worst smell that you've smelled as a veterinarian, could you make that funny?

SPEAKER_01

Could I yeah, now with this pressure, no way. No uh yeah, I'm I'm funny all the time. You know, at work, I'm just asking. I'm always cracking jokes, you know, and I'm uh always with clients cracking jokes, and there's some clients that don't like that and they don't ask to see me again, you know, and that's that's okay. Do they? Sure, yeah.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, they want it a little more serious.

SPEAKER_01

And they may not come out and say that, they just you know, gravitate to another dog.

SPEAKER_02

Rah rah rah rah rah.

SPEAKER_01

So what's the worst smell? The uh you know, the worst smell is one that I don't deal with, um, which is uh anal glands. You know, it's the other end of the horse. Well, that's dogs, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Oh no, horses don't have anal glands.

SPEAKER_01

They don't. Do humans have anal glands? I don't think so.

SPEAKER_08

You need to do some research on that, Michelle. We'll cover that story next week. Matt, what what about AI? Are are you using AI for anything?

SPEAKER_01

No. Um no, you know, I I'm not very technologically savvy, period. So I'm um uh but no, I I don't, you know, the whole point is that somebody thinks of something funny and shares it. And so you know, uh on on my book, um I because I'm it's being published by an imprint of uh Simon and Schuster, but it's I'm I'm way down on the list. And so they were like, hey, if you want to do an audiobook, um we're gonna do an AI audiobook. And I said Oh really? And I said, no, you know. So so they're like, well, we'll see how many sell and then we'll uh revisit an audiobook after it's been out for a little while. And so I I was I didn't want to be part of that debate for one thing, but also even if it's really good, like you want to be read a book by somebody if you're listening to it, I think.

SPEAKER_03

I want to be read a book by the author because I want to hear I mean it's your story, right? I want to hear you you say it.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, for me it doesn't always have to be the author, but it has to be somebody with an interesting voice that really adds to the audio book. Yeah, it's not just somebody that and Bob went to the dentist.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, well, you you were talking about your book, The Chomping at the Bit, and I was reading in one of your bios somewhere that it took you about five years to kind of go through that process to get published. And so that was one thing that Steve said yesterday. He goes, But Michelle, I was looking at this, he's not self-published. That's pretty freaking impressive.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's permitted press, which is an imprint of them of Simon Twister. And it yeah, I really I wanted that, you know, there's ego involved, of course, and all that kind of thing. But I wanted um, you know, the um to be seen as having a good enough book that it was published by them. Um it gives you a right to do comedy places that I wouldn't be able to do to speak in front of people that I wouldn't be able to do, and it and it can get it into bookstores. Like I you know, we had our book launch at a First Light Books in Austin, which is this beautiful bookstore, and they're not gonna have me if I'm self-published. Um but it took a long time.

SPEAKER_08

So like uh I don't know if y'all have y'all gone through this at all or through how to get a book published is like we have we've had authors that that have been, you know, a publisher signs them and publishes their book and all the things. And we've had people that have self-published and we've had people that have done a mix. We've we've seen all of it.

SPEAKER_01

And there's a lot of value in self-publishing. And uh I was, you know, maybe six months away from just being like, okay, I'm gonna go ahead and do that. You have a lot more control or you know, I wouldn't have nobody would have been like, hey, we're gonna do an AI audio book. But um you know, like so even signing with an agent, you you pitch the agents and they just reject you by not answering your emails, which is delightful. And then um the best. They ghost you. They ghost you. But then I I got um in front of my agent, uh, Paula Mounier is her name, and and I was able to pitch um a novel that I'm working on in this book, and she loves animals, she she uh her son's a stand-up comic. I was just with the right agent, so she's like, I can sell that book. And then, you know, it's it's hard to sell nonfiction, it's hard to sell a memoir if you're not famous. Well, okay and you don't have a platform. Yeah. And and so I I do now that I'm marketing the book, it's been out for almost a month. I s I see why they're reticent um to to give you a chance, because like if you have two million Instagram followers, you'll sell 2,000 books, you know, whatever. But but I have to get out and do the grassroots marketing of this book and make sure people know about it and get a chance to read it.

SPEAKER_03

Is that the hard part though? Is the self-promotion because you're, you know, I mean, you you may be a comedian, but you also seem like a little bit like to me you're an extroverted introvert. Yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And so welcome to the club. Yeah, so it's hard. This you mean there is the business of doing business, right? You gotta go out and you gotta promote yourself and you gotta talk about yourself. And you're like, that's all boring. What wouldn't they care about me?

SPEAKER_01

And I do feel like you know, my Instagram is just like, I'm sure people are please stop telling us about we know you have a book, please stop shouting it.

SPEAKER_08

Um I mean that's that's part of being on social media. I want to talk to you about social media in a minute, but I I read on Amazon you can get the the you know a couple first 10 pages, five pages, and I read I read through it. It's really good. It's very entertaining.

SPEAKER_03

You didn't pay the $12, $14.99 for the book?

SPEAKER_08

I will. I'm I actually get it.

SPEAKER_01

No, I didn't bring it up.

SPEAKER_02

Ow. That's it.

SPEAKER_01

No, I have some in the car. I want one.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, it's really good and it's very well written. And if anybody it uh it even if you've never been around horses, I think it's entertaining. But you wrote something in the book, and I'm kind of paraphrasing. You see you were talking about this horse Kevin, and uh you had come up on the scene and he was laying down and you were and you had to sort of diagnose him. Right. And you said, uh, I was the only vet there when this horse, Kevin, decided to live. And I thought that was an interesting. So the horse has to decide, okay, I'm in. I'm ready, I'm ready to come. What did you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, that was less that, you know, when they read the chapter, um, like uh Kevin was gonna make it whether I was there or not. Oh, I gotcha.

SPEAKER_08

Okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01

I came to the diagnosis right at right as he was like, you know what I'm good.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, let's not give a spoiler alert. But it's it's a very Kevin live, though. Kevin Lives.

SPEAKER_07

I don't I can't.

SPEAKER_08

It's a good introduction to the book, and it's a great book because it got me really interested in in in uh reading it. Good.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, because Holly wouldn't Holly wouldn't read it if if she knew my uh my little companion, my little shadow, passed away this weekend and it was awful. And but I can't you know, the being a vet and and dealing with that all the time, you know, it is the circle of life, it's the life and death. And but uh speaking of death, let's talk about Kill Tony a little bit. Um have you ever applied?

SPEAKER_01

No. You haven't? No, you know I have friends who have been. You mentioned Donna Lee earlier, and you know, Donna um uh has a long history in comedy. She was she was opening for like Leanne Morgan and Jim Hoy.

SPEAKER_03

Which I love Leanne Morgan, I've seen her a couple of times.

SPEAKER_01

And so then she took a break to raise a family and she came back and and her getting on Kill Tony really re-jumpstarted her her career. Um I yeah I don't know. Tony, I don't know if I could be nice to Tony Hinchcliffe for long enough to be on Kill Tony.

SPEAKER_03

But you know, like I I was reading about the the audition process, like just because you know, there's like this whole round robin, how you figure it out. So they this they sign up across the street from comedy mothership, you go to a bar, and basically um there's two separate lines for one for first-time participants and one for reoccurring comments, and then they have a draw. You say they basically say the show starts.

SPEAKER_08

And whether you're drawn, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So Tony or or the panel, they draw names from the bucket for a chance to perform a one-minute stand-up set followed by an interview. Right. So, what do you think is intimidated about that? Because that could really take your your comedic talent, you know, really kind of out. It's hard, tickets are hard to get for this thing, too.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Yeah, and a lot of people watch it on YouTube. Yes. I've just uh I've often wondered, like um, you know, the people who have replied, you know, it's helped Donna um spread her name, but like also she's gotten a bunch of messages in her inbox that she she actually has a joke about it that I want to ruin. But so I I wonder if the people I want to read my book are like the main Kill Tony fan base. So I'm not I'm I'm I'm not sure. And uh the other thing is like the trick to Kill Tony is because I've watched a few episodes and I've talked to people who've been on it, is like the minute's fine, whatever you do. It's how you can endure the the beating from like the from f because it's Tony, it's like walking into a locker room and the three loudest, meanest guys are gonna say you know, so you know what kind of stuff they would say to me. They would whatever whatever crude thoughts you're having about me being a horse vet, just multiply it by a hundred. Yeah. And then I have to kind of play cutesy with it. And I don't I don't I don't know. I don't I don't I don't have the stomach for it. You know, he's done a lot of good for a lot of comics, and he's uh there's people that would not have gotten a chance that killtone that Tony has supported, but I don't I don't find him to be a very um charming or intriguing personality that I would like to spend time with.

SPEAKER_08

Well and and uh you you know you could say, yeah, it could launch Michelle just say it could launch your career, but it could also destroy your career. You could go, yeah, Matt Evans, he's the guy that bombed on Kill Tone. Well, exactly.

SPEAKER_03

Or I could also be that the people that have bombed, exposure is exposure is exposure.

SPEAKER_01

But still you don't I mean I mean even even now as I say that I don't want to be n talk to him, I can see on your face like it there's a real chance of coming off very uh off-putting if I if I have the wrong interaction with that crowd, you know, which is I don't want to I just I don't know.

SPEAKER_08

I can see that that's a lot of a lot of stress. That I I I wouldn't do well with that. You mentioned a couple times, and you said it already, and you mentioned it in the book, Imposter Syndrome. And Michelle and I have this conversation all the time. Like a lot of life is just making it up until you make it. Right. But what so tell me about you know this thought that you because you started having it when you became a vet, and now you're probably having it with as a comedian and an author.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you do it over and over again, right, as you do new things. So, yeah, it's a a real thing. You know, people have it, it was written up in the 70s, and so um it's that feeling like you're not qualified for the job you're doing. And like the interesting thing is like the more intelligent you are, the more sensitive you are, the more likely you are to feel it. So veterinarians are really prone to it because it's like it's hard to get into vet school, and you wouldn't be attracted to working on animals if you weren't really sensitive. And so it um not only did I feel like that normal amount of imposter syndrome, but I was an imposter because I wasn't raised around horses. So I I was pretending to be a horse person. I was like, you know, I had to talk the talk and dress it, you know, the right way and act the right way.

SPEAKER_08

Did you get a cowboy hat first?

SPEAKER_01

No, I never I never did uh have a cowboy. I'm gonna have one now, but I don't want it to work in. But uh so it was it was a whole deal. And so that's actually one of the that's how I've decided I'm gonna promote the book is I'm gonna go speak at veterinary schools about the power of humor in overcoming imposter syndrome. Because humor is this magical thing that um instead of like when you're feeling like an imposter and you're afraid, you're covered up in cortisol, and that's moving you out of your forebrain into your hindbrain. But when you're laughing and joking, you're covered up in dopamine and oxytocin and and and dwarfings. And so you feel really good. You're back in your forebrain. You can be creative and you can be you're more likely to see hardships as opportunities. You're gonna be more engaged. People view you as more competent when you're making them laugh. And so I'm I'm super excited about that. That's that you were asking me about promoting the book and how hard it is. That's kind of what I landed on, and I just backed my way into it. But I've spoken at AM already in Tennessee, and I'm I'm leaving today to go speak at uh Texas Tech.

SPEAKER_06

Oh, that's great.

SPEAKER_01

And then and then Colorado State after that. So I'm gonna do a tour of uh uh hopefully every vet school in in America, and um hopefully I can help some vet students like realize like one, you'll get through this, and two, if you can laugh while you're doing it, you're gonna have a better time and have more success.

SPEAKER_08

It's like that's life in a nutshell right there, right? If you have fun doing what you do, it's gonna be so much more rewarding and enjoyable. Absolutely. Are you going into classrooms there, or are you going, are they doing a little presentation?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it it depends. Some of them are are scheduled during the class. Some of them like AM, when I reached out to Dr. Easterwood there, she was like, Let's dream big. So she put me up in rudder theater and we had we had pre-vet students and like a 300 people showed up, and then but usually it'll be like a lunchtime presentation.

SPEAKER_08

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

I would I would like you to go down the whole rabbit hole that horses do not have anal glands. I would like you to touch on that one, please. I want to ask you about your podcast that you are are you starting with your sister? Or did it was it was it something that you guys thought that you were gonna start it?

SPEAKER_01

This is a long time ago. I saw that y'all had that up there. Um so my sister is very funny too, um, and she's a writer uh as well, and so we we both uh love comedy, and so we always go to Moontower comedy festival every year. We we get tickets, you know, and we just hang out. That's our our good time. And uh so there she is. And um, so we had this idea, we would have uh a pod she she had a podcast for a long time and she was like, we should do a podcast called You know, it's relatable. So maybe we'll relaunch it. You know, we've we've all been busy, so maybe we'll come back around to it.

SPEAKER_03

You know, just for shits and giggles, I uh I wrote on there, I I signed up, like there was like a contact us page, and I was like, Oh, let me just see if this goes anywhere.

SPEAKER_01

I wonder if it'll go to her old email. I don't know. So it yeah, it would that was you know, when you're in the creative life, you have all kind of ideas and some of them come to fruition and some of them don't.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, it's a great way for you to promote everything you're doing, though. Um and you know, podcast listenership, everybody thinks that maybe there's too many things out there, but it pod podcast listenership is going through the roof. Right. You know, uh uh especially now adding in YouTube and some of the people you don't even have to have long form.

SPEAKER_03

You know, you could do the 20-minute, you know, or even like a set. You could practice it or whatever.

SPEAKER_01

Um but I think this to her, Missy, if you when you hear this, let's do it. Let's go. Yeah, it was so Yeah, she's hilarious and she's a she's a really good writer. She um she inspired me to write, you know. I mean, we both grew up in a house full full of books, and so but yeah.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03

I was just gonna say with her, I read something that you said you guys sat around and watched um the comedy show or comedy channel all the time. Yeah, what was it about your family that made you guys so funny? Was it like why was it because our family our love language is being a smart ass. And when my daughter my first daughter-in-law, when she came in, her mother totally didn't get it. She was like, Your uh your boyfriend's mother's mean. I was like, I'm not mean, I'm funny.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, right. He may have been missing a little bit towards the way or she may have been that it happens sometimes. Yeah. Um I yeah, humor was always valued in our house. But you know, everybody, all my parents are both funny, but then um I had a one of my uncles is hilarious, and he he would bring his friends home from college, and if they could make us laugh, then they were just revered.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And so I I saw that and was like, I want to I want to make people laugh, you know. And you know, so it it was always a big part of it. I don't know what that is, you know, what we're we're mutt, so I'm not sure where that came from.

SPEAKER_03

I I tell you what, my metric of life is if it doesn't make me smile, I don't want to do it. Because I love to laugh. Like I when I go out, I just love to be with people and I love to laugh and I like to just make fun of things sometimes that they're inappropriate and whatever. But I just think that that's just really like the spice of life.

SPEAKER_08

I think when you're younger, you worry about what everybody thinks about you, but as you get older, you don't. Um I want to talk about painting in a second, but before we kind of move on from the horse thing, I wanted to ask you, because you mentioned it a couple times in your book, and uh what's colic?

SPEAKER_01

Oh any of your listeners that have a horse will know what colic is. Colic's a generic name for um what they call like abdominal pain. So it's it's a it's a bunch of symptoms that where the horse shows you their their tummy hurts.

SPEAKER_08

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

And so what causes that is a long list of uh so it's not one thing, it could be all kinds of things. But it is the predominant equine emergency, and so like most of what we do for a living is treat colic.

SPEAKER_03

Because they can their tummies can twist for it.

SPEAKER_01

They can and they can do, they can impact, they can have all kind of they can have gas colic. That's the most common cause of colic, you know, is they need to fart? Yes. That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_03

How do you get a horse to fart?

SPEAKER_01

Uh-huh. People will put them on trailers, they'll jog them, you know, but they just need to pass the gas. So uh you know, when we say that uh they call it gas or spasmatic colic, really what that is is an open diagnosis. That means the horse had abdominal pain. Okay. We did minimal treatment and then they got better. It's like, well, probably that.

SPEAKER_08

It's so funny.

SPEAKER_01

So it's yeah, it's it and you know, working through that, what causes that is uh a big part of what we do as equine veterinarians. But yeah, uh any horse person when I say the word colic, you know, they're just cringing over and over again because it's so stressful, you know.

SPEAKER_08

Um there are certain times where it it can kill a horse. Absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for sure. Um, you know, and horses were made to walk and eat grass 20 hours a day and uh run only occasionally when they're feeling like it. And so instead, you know, our horses eat dry forage and they and they spend time confined and then they w work really hard. So and that's part of how we have to interact. That's why we have horses. And so that's not horrible, but it is uh hard on their GI tracks. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

SPEAKER_03

That's also leads to like or kind of piggyback on the story we were talking about people that move here and think that they want to be horse owners and they don't understand all the work. And that's part of all the work because they need to be walked, they need to be run, they need it, they need room to roam. Aaron Ross Powell, Jr.

SPEAKER_08

They need to be cleaned and yeah, and they're gonna be fed and make sure you have water even when it's uh 110 or 12 below, you gotta make sure they have water.

SPEAKER_01

And then have a plan if things aren't going well. You know, you need to have a relationship with a veterinarian so they can come out if they need to, or you need to have a plan to be able to, you know, be able to trailer them in, and so and all that stuff. I I understand. People just get them because they love them, and then they get in over their head, and then it's midnight on a you know, whatever, and and we're wearing a bind.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, we've I've had this is not an exaggeration. I've had people that have wanted to buy a house, say Saddle Tree or West Cave Estates, which is an acre, right? Maybe an acre and a half, and they say, Yeah, we want to get a couple horses and a couple of goats, and I'm like, you know, like you have no idea how the amount the amount of land those animals need, but also the care and the you know, all the things you gotta do to take care of those. Right. Sometimes people actually follow through on it and learn the hard way. Most of the time, I think the look on my face makes them go, maybe I need to rethink that. Right. Well, let's talk about painting. Because you all the things you've done and you got bored and you're like, Hey, I want to start painting. So, what what made you get into that?

SPEAKER_01

Painting was first, that was my first creative pursuit. Really? Yeah. And so um you'll love this. Um, so I I love the garden too. I I love um so my home is landscaped. I did all the landscaping around Austin Equine and around wildflower. I love it. And so there one of the most famous gardeners is this lady named Gertrude Jeekle, and she invented the English cottage garden. And she was a painter, and she started gardening when her eyesight started to fail. And so uh, some part of my brain, this is an insight into just um like how delusional I am. I was like, I would be a better garden designer if I learned like uh you know, composition, form, value. So I was like, I'll just take up painting to learn that new and so my parents and my wife's parents gave me uh oil painting lessons. Um and they so I showed up and was like, I want to paint gardens, and she's like, I'm sure you do, sweetie. But first we're gonna learn to draw. And so I I stumbled on just like a lot of my life, just thankfully the right person, right time.

SPEAKER_03

Matt Monet.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, exactly. Her name uh is Elizabeth Locke, she's retired, but she was in South Austin, and she had been trained like you could trace her lineage back through like William Merritt Chase, which goes back all the way through like the French atelier system. So, like she taught me the right way. So I learned how to draw in charcoal, I learned how to draw in uh charcoal with value, and then learned how to paint um in black and white oil, and then add color. And so then now I do landscapes and I paint outside. Um and you know, I I love it I and I'm okay at it. You know, like um I'm a better writer than I am stand-up, and I'm a better stand-up than I am a painter. So in in that order. But it the the thing I like about it was that that was about the same time I was learning equine dentistry, and those uh those kind of paralleled and they were equal and opposite. But then the other thing is that like it it was I had to learn how to learn. And so it was it was that aspect of like you get into something, you you see the work you want to create, you learn, you you get a mentor, you do reading, you do a large volume of work, it falls short, you're frustrated, you try to close that gap. And so then when I started stand up and I had all the same feelings of like, well, I've done this before, you know. I had the same those pathways were already there. And the same thing with writing the book or now giving keynote speak speeches. Like I'm like, okay, I see. Yeah, yeah, I can close that gap. I know what to do. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, you're you're not a guy that sits stagnant very long. You always got something. No. Yeah, the the English garden thing, you said you did all the uh landscape around Austin Equine. Is that the place off of 150 by Greymore? Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01

That's the one and people will know it from the big shiny dog. Yeah, that's right, that's right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08

Um it's right before the big the like big sweeping turn. You can go through 100 miles an hour sometimes. No, you can't.

SPEAKER_07

I wonder I'd ever do that.

SPEAKER_02

Uh you just got your car back. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08

Uh but uh the the English garden thing, you said you did all the landscape. It's pretty hard to do an English garden in Texas.

SPEAKER_01

You gotta choose your plants correctly. Yeah, they've got to be zero. Yeah. Yeah. You cannot plant um, yeah, you can't look at what Gertrude Jikle planted at wherever fishinghurst and be like, okay, we'll do that. No, it's like you know, it doesn't rain much here. I don't know if you'll notice that.

SPEAKER_08

Well, that, and it's 105 degrees a lot of days in the summer. But yeah, uh what cracks me up about that whole thing is you could actually go buy the plants that like an English. Oh, yeah, they'll sell them.

SPEAKER_04

They'll sell them to you.

SPEAKER_08

But 30 days later you'd be like, wow, that didn't work.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I uh Home Depot doesn't sponsor you, but you know, they're that's a national buyer. So go to Wimberley Garden Centers and go to Beavereau and those those are the folks that know what the hard thing that's happened in the last few years, we've had those wicked cold winners, and so like we're it's narrowing like we used to be able like when it gets down to six and stays at for three days, all of a sudden now I'm we're having a it feels like we live in Oklahoma. Yeah. And I don't like that. Yeah, I know. I'm with you.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, that's disgusting. Matt, who feels more like Matt? The vet, the comedian, the writer, or the painter?

SPEAKER_01

Um you know, the vet has been my when I think of myself and and I think of introducing myself, I'm like I'm I'm a horse doctor. That's what I've been for so long.

SPEAKER_02

That's Dr. Horse Doctor Thomas.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, thank you. Yeah. Um but uh you know, I I think um I'm transitioning to where I'm taking a sabbatical this year to go speak at the vet schools. And so um so I'm I'm trying to just train my brain to be like, well, I'm I'm a writer and a comedian and a s and a speaker too. I don't know which one's the real me. I don't know. I'm fair.

SPEAKER_08

They're all you, Matt. They're all you. I uh we touched on it for a sec uh uh I don't know, 20 minutes ago. Social media. So you do have social media to promote yourself. Do you like social media?

SPEAKER_05

Who likes social media?

SPEAKER_08

Oh yeah, well that's sort of my point.

SPEAKER_01

I just posted a stand-up clip and I don't know how Instagram decides it's gonna share it with people, but it did, and so it's taken off, and so people are laughing and um getting followers, and so it's like those you're getting those little bumps. Yeah. But you know, on the flip side of that is I'm gonna post one on Wednesday and nobody's gonna care, and I and I'm gonna feel sad. So like you can't ride that roller coaster, you know, you just gotta kick keep on.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, I think post and ghost is ours. Well, we occasionally look at the numbers, but we're like, we'll just do the best posts we can, and if a thousand people look at it, fine, and if fifteen thousand look at it, that's great too. And we're just yeah, you just keep on.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I need to work on that. Go back to posting uh anal glands, and you'll probably get a lot of followers. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna clip all these analyses, we'll just do a supercut of every time you said anal glands. I don't even know why they have them. So don't ask me that. I don't uh you know.

SPEAKER_03

That was my next question. I had it starred right here.

SPEAKER_01

I'm a partner over at Wildflower, which is like on the same property as Austin Equine, it's a small animal clinic. But uh our partner, Dr. Taito Gan, who's Damon's cousin, he he works there, and I I would be completely unqualified. Like if he if he called in sick one day, they couldn't be like, Matt, roll in there. Yeah, it doesn't uh that'd be like I don't I don't I don't even know what anal glands are.

SPEAKER_03

Maybe we should call him right now, just like we'll call a friend, like an emergency.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know that that would go well.

SPEAKER_08

I bet he's busy. One of our chickens got sick uh a year or so ago and she passed away. But uh there's only one vet in all of Austin that does chickens found it. Yes, and are they there if not it? Oh yeah. Westgate. Yeah. Um but yeah, it's I didn't even think there was such a thing. But there are chicken veterinarians.

SPEAKER_01

That was like the aprocral tale they told us in vet school of like the um, you know, somebody brings in their chickens to the veterinarian, and chicken medicine is like production, huge medicine. So they bring in the sick chicken, that veterinarian is like, okay, so they euthanized a chicken, they do a post, they do a necropsy, and they're like, okay, the to save the rest of your chickens, you need to do this. And then and the people were like, that was our only chicken. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

So that would be Steve and Holly. Is there anything else that you have on the horizon that you now want to kind of tackle or accomplish or get good at?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I mean, what is it? I mean, I I want to get I want to keep writing. I really enjoyed writing that book. So I'm gonna write uh more of those books. And like I I said, I have an have a novel that it's complete but not ready to sell, so I would love to What's that one about? It is about a hor uh it's about a horse doctor who can hear animals talk, but wait, there's more. Um I think that's all the movie. But it's un it unwittingly gets wrapped up into a uh an international spy conspiracy. So it's like if spies like us meets Dr. Doolittle.

SPEAKER_06

That's okay.

SPEAKER_08

I think so too. Nobody's ever done that before. That's right.

SPEAKER_03

You know, one of my favorite books that I have listened to this year has been a book called Scout, and it was about a dog that traveled with his family on the Oregon Trail because I didn't have to hear about tuberculosis or whatever it was. But it was like listen to that. Was it from the dog's point of view? It was from the dog's point of view.

SPEAKER_01

I think you know, at the time I was thinking about this, I listened to like um Lessons with Chemistry and they have a uh a dog that narrates part of that book, and then um and what other one? Oh, the one with the the octopus they just made a movie.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah, that's a great one.

SPEAKER_01

And so there like uh those things were all kind of percolating in my head of like, oh, I could because what you know, one of the main characters in this is the horse, actually. So which is modeled after a Red Arena therapy horse.

SPEAKER_08

Um all the best stuff, all the best fiction is based off of real life stuff. So where can people find out more about your book, uh you know, comedy, and maybe if they want to book you for speaking, yes, where can people find you?

SPEAKER_01

Go to madeevinscomic.com, and then you know, the there's a uh place to see comedy, and then there's a place for keynote speaking, and then they can go to the book. The book's available everywhere. It's called Chomping at the Bit. Yeah. How I Became a Horse Fed Against All Common Sense. And they can um go and it's it's on Amazon, but if you want to buy it from your local bookstop or book books uh store, if you want to go over to Sunday Bookshop and tell them to order some or I don't know, you can check it out from libraries.

SPEAKER_08

It's pretty easy to find. I found it in like five seconds. So it's around.

SPEAKER_03

Well, and if you also go to AustineEquine.com, his bio says Dr. Evans does does not have gray hair.

SPEAKER_01

So Damon and I went through and wrote bios for everybody, you know, and you can read something funny about everybody. You we did two things here that I would if we have a moment to focus on. If you go to any other equine clinic, they always list like the doctors that found it at first and then the doctors with the most letters after their name, and then you go down and they don't even have a picture for whoever works in the barn. And I think that really speaks to how they their culture works. So we did it in reverse. So we put everybody, our newest employees up top, and um and we wrote something, we took the a moment to write something genuinely funny about those those employees because we we care. So that that's uh that's what drive Austin Equine. And then Damon and I are at the bottom. And so instead of whatever funny thing we just wrote, he has great hair. Damon has great hair. If you ever meet Dr. O'Gain, phenomenal hair. Uh, there he is, Dr.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

And so I've yeah, yeah. Yeah, part of my ability to make a living is because he has great hair. Um so thank you for for that, Damon. Uh but then I do not have great hair.

SPEAKER_02

Well, why weren't the jackasses up at the top?

SPEAKER_01

Because they run the place. Yeah, they've been there the longest.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah. You know what? Kudos to you because if you know people love their their horses, they love their animals. And if I read that, I'd be like, these are the people that I want to take that I want to take care of my animals because they're they're not taking themselves too seriously, but that you can tell they love what they do.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and we wanted to communicate that we it's very important to take good care of our people because then if those people will take it's just like the barn, you know. It's like the so it um comes from that. And then the other thing is uh the most common person who goes to this website is actually veterinary. And so they're checking it out, and so they like we attract the kind of student we want because we we always have interns every year. We have two interns a year. So they it's a new graduate veterinarian, they spend a year with us, they work really hard and for training and mentorship, and and so we're always uh having students in to see if they want to do that internship. And so if a student goes to our website and you're like, what is all this joking? It's like, well, you probably don't belong here, you know. Keep it moving.

SPEAKER_08

We don't have to be for everybody, yeah. We just we for we are for the people that that like us and enjoy us, and everybody's gonna be able to do that. And a lot of them do.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, in a in an industry where re recruiting and retaining veterinarians is really hard to do, that's the biggest complaint that you hear. Yeah, we we never have any problem with it. Yeah, there's plenty of people who want to work at Austin Equine.

SPEAKER_03

Do you think uh um you could ever see yourself as a people doctor? Like have you ever thought Yeah, I'll tell you this.

SPEAKER_01

Um I didn't know, so I was in high school. No, no, I was in college. And uh I I could have gone to medical school, I could have gone to veterinary school, whatever. And so I was trying to decide. So my mom got me a gig where I uh followed a pediatrician around for the day, and I all day it was fine. I thought it was great. And then at the end of the day, they were like, We gotta we gotta slip in this emergency. And it was a little boy and he had something wrong with his penis. And he came in and he took off his pants and and they straightened. And I thought, I'm not gonna be a pediatrician, you know? This was a good Saturday. Very, I learned a lot. I learned it's noon and I'm done, you know.

SPEAKER_08

Well, Matt, this has been a lot of fun. I'm really glad that you agreed to come on with us. And I applaud you. You're not letting any grass grow under your feet, man. Uh it's like it's you as soon as something makes you a little bit bored, you go find something else to specialize in. I think that's a good lesson for all of us in life. Yeah, be an imposter. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah. And just fake it till you make it. That's right. You'll move past it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Well, we so appreciate it. And uh you've got some homework, okay? Anal glands. I've given you a little bit of homework.

SPEAKER_08

I'm gonna I got and I have to edit all that out because we can't talk about anal glands.

SPEAKER_03

You said it now too. And I think you're I think you're up. I think you're up. You're gonna get a call from your mom there, Steve. Thank you, Matt, for joining us. My pleasure. Let us know uh what real quick, when's your next show?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, um, so I'm traveling a lot to go speak. So the next time I'm in town, I'll be in South Austin at the Stouthouse Brew Pub that's over there on Lamar.

SPEAKER_08

You probably have it on your website.

SPEAKER_01

It's on there, yeah, but it hasn't come out. I think it's gonna be a free show, and uh we have a killer lineup for that one. Alrighty then.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, that's cool. Well, thanks for joining us, man. Yeah, thanks. My pleasure.

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This show is brought to you in part by the Mallet Integrity Team, serving Dripping Springs, Austin, and the surrounding areas of Central Texas since 2004. When you need the best real estate advice and service, give them a call at 512-829-2062. Or email them at malletintegrity team.com. And now here's Steve and Michelle.

SPEAKER_03

And we are back. We just had Matt Evans on and we talked a lot about anal glands. That's what our congressman.

SPEAKER_08

Unfortunately, this is true, but his interview was so much more than anal glands.

SPEAKER_03

And he signed the book. He went out. And what is what does it say, Steve?

SPEAKER_08

It says Matt to Mallet and Michelle. Please stop saying anal glands. Thanks for having me, Matt Evans. So if y'all haven't uh read his book, and uh if you live in dripping springs, you really should, because uh we have a lot of horses out here and a lot of people that enjoy horses. It's called Chomping at the Bit, available on Amazon, and I read the first few pages of it.

SPEAKER_05

It's pretty damn good.

SPEAKER_08

It really gets you right from the beginning. If you if you're into horses at all, it will really get you going. And he's a very funny guy.

SPEAKER_03

Well, you know me and reading stuff lately. I'm a multitasker, so I am all for AI reading the book to me, or like what he said he did. But I'm I'm okay with that. But you know what I found interesting about that interview? I I'm gonna say it. I'm surprised. I I mean, I get the whole, you know, kill Tony, he didn't, but yeah, sometimes you gotta do things that are uncomfortable if this is the path that you want to go on in order to further your career.

SPEAKER_08

But I mean I get his point of view though. I mean, you could put yourself out there and it not go well and not be the best thing that happens for you.

SPEAKER_03

Well, um, how many times have you and I put ourselves out there and please don't listen to episode one of Maladin Michelle?

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, well, it's true. Uh you do have to push and expand yourself, but I uh I think he's doing that. I mean, geez, you just walk up on a stage on a open mic night and start doing comedy and bomb the first time. True, and still come back. I bet I'd say he's pushing himself. But the thing that I I really admire about him is if he's doing something and he gets really good at it, instead of just saying, He wants to grow more.

SPEAKER_02

He wants to grow more. That's that's what we should all be doing.

SPEAKER_08

We should all be doing that. It's like, okay, I'm a little bit stagnant right now. What am I gonna start doing? And he's not and he's not like, oh, I'm gonna start building models. He's like, I'm gonna go learn to be a painter. I'm gonna write a book. I'm gonna do it.

SPEAKER_03

He's gonna do more hard stuff. Well, he wasn't on kill Tony, but he was on kill Michelle and Steve. So because I slowly build it well. I've slowly been killing Steve, is so he says for years.

SPEAKER_08

She's putting uh windshield wiper fluid in my drink every morning, and I haven't noticed. But my kidneys are shutting down.

SPEAKER_03

You just have to do it little small doses. I don't want to be a suspect, Sheriff Peppolito.

SPEAKER_08

Well, hey, you wanted to share some kind of uh sad news uh from dripping springs.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, I I did, I did. Um not kinda very sad. It's very, very, very sad. Uh Jacob Grainer, who is a longtime uh dripping springs resident, um his parents, uh Walt and Victoria. Um, I met them through uh pig pig skins when uh my son Tate played football. Uh Jacob was a football player with dripping springs. He actually is the kiddo that um contributed to Tate's arm breaking.

SPEAKER_05

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03

Yes, he was on the O-line, Tate was on the D-line. Um, but Jacob always felt horrible about it. He was the nicest young man. And then um after Dripping Springs High School, he went on to play uh O-line at UTSA, and he was also on their track team. Um oh, I'm sorry, on Dripping Springs. He was on the track team, but he was very kind. He um apparently his his obituary said he gave away, he gave great hugs, he was a gentleman. Um he passed away unexpectedly in his sleep um mid-September.

SPEAKER_06

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_03

And he married his high school sweetheart, Natalie. Um, she's a twin, so she also grew up in in Drip, and his he's survived by his two young sons, Elijah and Mason.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, gosh.

SPEAKER_03

His parents, Walt and Victoria, and his siblings, Grace and Daniel. And right now there's a GoFundMe page for his children's college fund. But if you know the grainers, if you've been in Drip for a long time, uh, you know what an impact that they have made on this community. Um Jacob um currently was living out of state uh with his young family, kind of building a life there. And uh um I just say if you have any to give, um, go give in your own backyard. And Jacob, you know, it was an honor to know you.

SPEAKER_08

Um I am just really saddened to hear that that's you know, uh Matt and I were talking about it after we stopped recording, but um you gotta enjoy every day that you're blessed with because you never know when your life could change dramatically or change in the worst possible way. It sounds like he lived a great life. And I'm sorry he he was taken so young.

SPEAKER_03

He did. You know, by saying that, I have to say um Natalie wrote in his obituary, because he was they were living in um Georgia, and it said, here it is, he spent his last evening at home with Natalie sharing frozen pizza and watching the third Lord of the Rings movie while the boys slept. It was the perfect evening that Natalie will hold to her heart, and Jacob gave the best hugs. Everyone loved Jacob. So um, you know, to the Grainer family, Malada Michelle, we are our deepest sympathies are with you, and um it's a tough thing. It is tough. So I just wanted I couldn't go um, you know, somebody so significant in our community with his passing, his his life was worth remembering.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, I think agreed, agreed. Um kind of a different note, um, not completely different. Uh I wanted to mention um that uh this has seemed so insignificant now, but I had it on my list. Um the you know I'm I'm big into cycling, Javier. Yeah, Javier Castaneda. We we text all the time about bike races, and there is a an um American world champion for the first time since 1993 when Lance Armstrong was the world champion. In cycling? In cycling.

SPEAKER_03

It was it like what was it?

SPEAKER_08

It's so Sunday, it's the world championships. It was in uh Montreal, and cyclists from all around the world came, all the top pros are there. Every name you ever heard in cycling, and Brandon McNulty, who's 28, who rides for UAE and is an American rider, won the world championships. Last time anybody did it was 1993 with Lance Armstrong.

SPEAKER_03

And he did it with one ball.

SPEAKER_08

We did it with one ball and a lot of and a lot of added testosterone, unfortunately. And then prior to that, 1986 was Greg Lamont was the last night. So it's a pretty rare thing. And I, you know, the I know people out there probably have no idea what I'm talking about, but the team USA rode so well. I was very proud of them. They were the most they were the most organized team out there. And and we're talking about the, you know, if you're thinking of football, it's the Zach Dak Prescott's, it's thinking about auto racing and Mario Andretti. These are the top, top, top guys at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_03

Don't mention Dak Prescott. He's so good.

SPEAKER_08

But you're you're just saying I'm I'm talking about the best of the best of the best.

SPEAKER_03

Okay, it's like a Tom Brady.

SPEAKER_08

Tom Brady, yes, yes. There were 20 guys there that's a big thing.

SPEAKER_03

Not O.J. Simpson.

SPEAKER_08

No, not O.J.

unknown

Simpson.

SPEAKER_08

So anyway. Hey, hi. Congratulations, Brandon McNulty.

SPEAKER_03

Congratulations, Brandon McNulty. But I also want to say, in my own right, I was also a cycling championship. Were you?

SPEAKER_08

I was on that little tricycle?

SPEAKER_03

I it was the big wheel, and I could take that big wheel and I can go foom spin out, and we used to have competitions on who could spin. I think it was because I was like really tiny.

SPEAKER_08

I was like, it could just Did you go uh in in our neighborhood, a couple of kids did them so much that the the rear wheels on those things got flat spots on them for skidding around?

SPEAKER_03

I had a I got a hole in mine. Yeah, see?

SPEAKER_08

Oh, you were really good at it. Yeah. That was the measure. I guess.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, and you know, the other thing that I would do was between that and like I it was it was called the lemon skip, I think is what it was called. You put it around your ankle and you'd skip around. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_08

So yeah, I was You know what's funny? I was thinking about this the other day. When I was like 10 years old, we would take a garbage can and flip it over sideways, because they were metal, bend it a little bit, put a piece of plywood on it, and we'd ride our bikes down the street, like going 20 miles an hour and jump over the good times. Yeah, but we're s and I didn't have a helmet. Sometimes I'd be wearing flip-flops. We're so lucky we survived all that.

SPEAKER_03

Good times. You know, you telling that story reminds me of a story Todd told me that him and his brother they took a pair of jeans and a pant and some pants and they stuffed it and they put it on one side of the road. And they lived in like Windsor Park or whatever in in uh in San Antonio. And uh right before a car would come by, they would pull this. No, out of like a string.

SPEAKER_08

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_03

You're lucky you didn't get like run over by the car from them swerving.

SPEAKER_08

We did stuff like that. We'd throw water balloons at passing cars. Oh goodness. So yeah, we're lucky we survived those times, though. That was a crazy, what I guess late 60s, early 70s.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, good times. It was back when you could drink out of the water hose. Yeah, and not die. For sure, and not die for sure. Hey, um, have you ever taken an Uber or a ride share from the airport? I have. You have? Okay. Do you remember walking? Uh remember when you walked rim to rim to rim or you hiked rim to rim to rim? Okay, well, that walk is very similar at Austin March.

SPEAKER_08

I heard I have heard this. It's like put your walking shoes on.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, because you get off the plane, you walk through the terminal, you have to go to baggage claim, you have to get your suitcase. And then the city of Austin said, you know what, this is a great idea. Let's participate in a small endurance event and let's walk you all the way around over by the rental car facility, behind the red car garage. I don't even know you Whataburger down there is not even on the way. But what they've decided to do, thank goodness, because you know they're all renovating the whole airport. Um in starting, okay, starting in 2027. The Austin Airport has finally acknowledged that perhaps picking up passengers somewhere near the actual airport terminal might be a good idea. What they are going to do, they are gonna close and tear down the red garage as part of its massive airport expansion. Okay. And eventually a new arrivals and departure hall hall will extend the whole terminal out towards the ride share area. So now when you get out, it's gonna bring Uber and Lyft and whatever else, the creepy people that pick you up, much closer to to um to the passengers. But it is airport construction, okay? It starts in 2027. So you you're not starting in 2027, you're not necessarily getting that start that early start. Yeah. I think it's gonna be a lot more difficult starting in 2027, quite honestly. Probably to 2028.

SPEAKER_08

Let me make sure I understand. They're not moving it any closer.

SPEAKER_03

They're moving the arrivals and departure closer to that.

SPEAKER_08

Okay, so you won't have as far to walk.

SPEAKER_03

Possibly. Okay, but look, okay, you know, you've been to the Oregon Airport, beautiful airport, the Portland, Oregon Airport. Probably the prettiest thing about Portland. It's a hike. Okay, it's a hike. You get off that terminal and you're like It's a mile walk.

SPEAKER_08

Am I I'm not joking. We have Holly and I, when we were in the in there, we put turn our watches on. It's a mile.

SPEAKER_03

No, it's a mile. Well, you know, you know, like halfway, you're like when you they have like a concert, they have like the bleachers.

SPEAKER_08

I know. I mean this yeah, you you're like like almost half a mile from where you go. If you're at the very far end of the terminal, it is where they have all the food and stuff, and then you're like, oh, we're almost there. And then it's another half a mile till you get to where the rail cards are.

SPEAKER_03

That's what I envision this is gonna be like.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, well, did you ever it's it's interesting to me. Did you ever see that study? There was an airport, I don't remember where it was. People were complaining that they would have to wait too long in baggage claim for their bags once they got off their plane. So the airport moved the baggage claim a half a mile away. You know, bags were coming off the planes at the same amount of speed, but took long people longer to get there, and then they got there and they were like, Oh, our bags are here. How cool is that? Did nothing else but just move it so that they didn't have to stand there. And people were starting to rave about how great and efficient the airport is. Not us.

SPEAKER_03

We'll just gripe the whole way there. But you know, I one time I went to um Portland by myself and it was during the renovations.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And I so I'm walking, I'm like, where's the where's the uh luggage? And I could see the luggage because the weird in Portland, the luggage is right by the ticket. I was like, okay, there's the luggage. Wait, I'm trying to remember, was it that airport? No, it must have been an I'm sorry, I had the stories wrong. It was where I was switching planes to go to that. So there was construction, and so I was like, okay, well, I gotta get to this gate. And I went out, and what I did is I accidentally went out security. You didn't even know. And I was like, Oh, am I gonna get it be able to get back in? So I had to go all the way back into TSA and do it. And they were like, Welcome back.

SPEAKER_08

Have you ever been in an airport that doesn't have construction?

SPEAKER_03

Okay, Steve, you may know this airport in California. It's the prettiest airport. It's San Jose. No, it's over by LA, and it's that little weird Southwest Airlines terminal where you uh it's either Ontario, it used to be called John Wayne, now it's Orange County. No, it wasn't that way, it was a teeny, it was like I want to say it was Malibu. And they you walk outside and it was like a beach setting. Oh, yeah. It was so beautiful.

SPEAKER_08

Uh Santa Mon Santa Monica, maybe?

SPEAKER_03

It was I was surprised that my had to stop there.

SPEAKER_08

That was I think that's actually Orange County.

SPEAKER_03

That was a gorgeous airport.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, that uh I've flown, I've actually flown a small airplane into the uh Orange County. You was called John Wayne when I did it. Yeah. That was kind of weird because I I there's two runways there, and I'm in a little Cessna 152 taking off, and a Southwest Airlines 737 was like whatever, quarter mile away, taking off on the other way. Talk about anal glands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a little bit wider.

SPEAKER_03

I'm trying to decide. Would I have ever have gotten into an airplane with you?

SPEAKER_08

I only had a few friends that did.

SPEAKER_03

I think I think you're so like anal retentive. I would say. I think I would I don't think I would trust you.

SPEAKER_08

I took it very seriously. I I er any time anybody flew with me, I gave them a little orientation about the airplane or hypnol.

SPEAKER_03

Go nut yeah.

SPEAKER_08

What what to do, what not to do. I would walk, you know, I we'd be in the airplane, I'd go, okay, we're gonna taxi here, we're gonna do this, I'm gonna get on the radio for a second and let them kind of like when you go into the doctor's office and they say, Okay, this is gonna hurt a little bit, kind of like that.

SPEAKER_02

I okay, I would I'd trust you, I'd allow it.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, okay. Well, uh it's been a long time. I wouldn't trust me now. Have you ever thought about the amount of time that you waste now on spam phone calls, spam texts, spam emails. The the number of people that are trying to get your attention with crap on the internet and and through your cell phone just drives me crazy. Well, now there's another one.

SPEAKER_03

Steve Mallet's calling me.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, yeah, that's right. And I've it this one kind of surprised me because LinkedIn, which is a professional social networking, you're making a very funny feature.

SPEAKER_03

I'm just I'm looking at our YouTube and your your voice is not matching your it's off.

SPEAKER_08

Okay, all right.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08

Well, LinkedIn has our has always been a little bit um not susceptible to the spamming. And recently, in the last six months or so ago, fake recruiters are becoming a serious problem on LinkedIn. Yeah. They're saying that uh as many as 50% of the job offers or people that are pretending to be recruiters on LinkedIn are complete fabrications.

SPEAKER_03

Is there any place safe anymore?

SPEAKER_08

There's not. No. So it says LinkedIn is tightening identity verification. The platform is expanding tools that allow users to verify themselves using their government issued ID and professional work email address. They're saying if you if you see one uh a profile that has the blue check mark, which I guess you pay for that.

SPEAKER_03

Or on LinkedIn?

SPEAKER_08

On LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, you can get a blue, I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_08

But they're saying that's that probably means there's evidence that that per person is who actually who they claim to be, but not 100% of the time. So it says job seekers are vulnerable. Someone actively looking for work is naturally more willing to send a resume, provide personal information, click application links, or communicate with a stranger claiming to be a recruiter. So I'm just the reason I bring this story up is I know we have people, we have friends that are looking for jobs or looking, you know, they're employed maybe, but they're looking for something better. There are a lot of scams out there. And AI is making it way worse now. AI has ramped this up even more. So um they're just saying, you know, look for the check marks, but still beware. And I think most employers, they may ask you some personal information, but they're not gonna ask you your social security number through LinkedIn or you know, what's your bank account or routing number? They're not gonna ask you.

SPEAKER_02

I gave them your social security last time if that was okay. I gave them yours too. Oh, look at that. Oh, they're like, phew.

SPEAKER_08

But I mean, uh, you know, I feel like LinkedIn's kind of now becoming the professional version of online dating where, you know, everybody looks legitimate, but you still got to be careful.

SPEAKER_03

Don't you feel like it's turn turning into that? I would. Um, you know, your story brought something up. My friend Rita, who we had on the podcast, she was all excited and she put on her Facebook, she goes, Oh, I got a callback as an extra for landman.

SPEAKER_08

Oh.

SPEAKER_03

And people started saying, Where did you get that? And was it a scam? It was a scam.

SPEAKER_08

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03

And, you know, I wasn't I was a principal extra, I was an extra. I had my SAG card for just a little bit. And uh, you know, back in the day, they would pop something on Facebook and you'd you'd call them and they'd say, Okay, and you'd have to go to like a walkthrough.

SPEAKER_08

Back in the day, they printed a little flyer and dropped it off with some talent agent or something.

SPEAKER_03

Well, yeah, but or or it was like email. And then once you were like in the pool, then they would email and they would say, Oh, okay, you know, you kind of fit this. Would you like to be an extra or whatever, or principal extra? And uh so this was on Facebook. Well, the funny story is yesterday I saw the ad, I think she was talking about it's like, oh, be an extra in Landman.

SPEAKER_08

I you know, you and I are pretty skeptical about stuff like that. So I I and we're not immune. But it what worries me is, you know, somebody that's out there, they're not very tech savvy, maybe they're 75, 80 years old, and somebody gets a hold of them, the damage that you can do to somebody financially one of those scammers can do to somebody financially. It's it's scary.

SPEAKER_03

I have I told you my my my family story?

SPEAKER_08

You have, yeah. Probably don't want to share that.

SPEAKER_03

I'm gonna share it, but I'm not gonna tell you who it is. So I have a family member uh who's 65 years old who thinks that she is dating a 30-something year old uh professional that she's never met. Yeah, never met, professional playing piano player from France. France from France, and that he's building a mansion for them, and he hasn't been able like his sh his plane has been in the shop that he hasn't been able to pick her up. But then she asked somebody for five hundred dollars so she could lend him five hundred dollars to buy him a plane ticket to come. I don't know. Oh everybody, you're like, you are being catfish. At this point, you're dumb. Everybody has told you.

SPEAKER_08

We've talked we've actually had stories on the podcast where very smart people get taken.

SPEAKER_03

She's not smart, she's dumb.

SPEAKER_08

Well, is she I mean, I don't want to guess too much.

SPEAKER_03

Is she compromised?

SPEAKER_08

Well, well, she but she's also probably lonely. She's lonely. It probably makes her feel good on a certain level. I wonder if maybe deep down inside she knows it's a scam, but it still makes her feel good. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

I don't know. Everybody in her mother has been telling her this is a scam.

SPEAKER_08

There's gotta be some reason why she is letting that go on. She's getting something out of it.

SPEAKER_03

Well, when you're a mean person and you everybody you've been mean to everybody, you gotta invent uh, you gotta invent something. Hey Steve, have you ever heard something called um orphaned negatives?

SPEAKER_08

You mentioned this as your story, and I have no idea what you're gonna talk about.

SPEAKER_03

There are words, I want to see if it's doing it on mine. It is doing it on mine. Okay. Um, I want there are words that look like they should be positive opposite. For the dyslexic brain in me, this like this is a mind bleep. Okay, but the positive word is gone, changed, or never ex never existed. For example, you can be disgruntled, but no one says you're gruntled.

SPEAKER_08

I get it.

SPEAKER_03

You can look disheveled, but no one says I'm shoveled to be neat.

SPEAKER_08

That's a misnomer, but there's no such thing as a gnomer.

SPEAKER_03

Like uncouth, but are you cooth?

SPEAKER_08

I have heard that though. I have heard I have heard people say that's very couth.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, well, okay. Well, maybe it's just made up. Well, you know, they say that the English uh language.

SPEAKER_08

That was actually a pretty good. English, you know, good thing. A lot of things. English, you know.

SPEAKER_03

What do you call it? Is not a very neat system, it's a mixture of Words from many different languages like old English, French, Latin, but it hasn't been cleaned up in a very long time. I mean, do you remember when um President Bush when W used to speak?

SPEAKER_08

Yeah. Like okay, he speaks kind of like the way I think nuclear nuclear. Oh, I say nuclear.

SPEAKER_03

Scotty Bennett hates the way I say nuclear. He goes, You're saying it wrong, and it's a trigger for him. Therefore, I say I don't even know if I'm saying it wrong, but I just say it's one of mine is triathlon.

SPEAKER_08

Triathlon? Triathlon. Triathlon. Triathlon. Triathlon. There's no A in the middle.

SPEAKER_03

Don't run. It saves you. Okay, so here's a couple of them. Unkempt and kemped.

SPEAKER_08

I have heard that one. But unkempt is it actually a word.

SPEAKER_03

Kemped actually exists. It means neat or well groomed, but it sounds like something your grandmother would say before church, is what it says.

SPEAKER_08

But doesn't it mean the same thing as unkept? And unkept is a word, right?

SPEAKER_02

Kemped, I guess.

SPEAKER_08

I yeah. I've heard that on an audiobook last week and I thought I need to look that up. Is unkempt the same as unkept? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03

How about reckless? Are you reckful? Um inedible. Are you delible?

SPEAKER_08

You're edible. Edible's a word.

SPEAKER_03

Edible? Yeah. Oh, in oh, I'm sorry, I said it wrong. Indelible. Indelible. Sorry. Are you delible? Um how about uh let me see. Impeccable. Impeccable means capable of sinning or making mistakes. So basically everybody. Okay.

SPEAKER_07

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

Uh oh, this one's funny. Unfathomable.

SPEAKER_08

Unfathomable. Is that fathomable?

SPEAKER_03

Is it fathomable? Um unflappable? Are you flappable?

SPEAKER_08

I'm pretty flappable, Michelle. I'm pretty sure I'm flappable.

SPEAKER_03

Um un Oh, how do you say this? Unrequit unrequited. Unrequited?

SPEAKER_08

Unrequited. Unrequited?

SPEAKER_03

Are you requited?

SPEAKER_08

Yeah. I I think that means uh unrequited love is you love somebody and they don't like you.

SPEAKER_03

How about incessant? Are you sessant? Are you sessant?

SPEAKER_07

Over and over and over.

SPEAKER_03

I like the feckless and feckful. That one feck refers to effectiveness or value. So feckful meant capable or energetic. It survives more in Scottish and Irish languages.

SPEAKER_08

Are they saying these words used to be words, but nobody uses them anymore?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, they're just saying they're orphaned negatives. Like they're they don't have anything, I guess. I I don't know. I think just they're just funny.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah. I think they're just that is funny. Uh the English language is fascinating when you get down to it. I mean, then the number of words that sound the same, that are spelled different and used in different ways, and then you know, they spell them differently in England, even though we're both using English. It's like it I you know, somebody coming here from another planet and going, teach me English, it would be a none of this makes sense.

SPEAKER_03

No, I'm talking about we'll just say this for the record, and you know this English is my first language, but I did speak Spanish when I was a little kid.

SPEAKER_08

So did I, but not anymore.

SPEAKER_03

But I am the inventor of words.

SPEAKER_08

The inven yes, you are. You've come up with many words on Maladin Michelle. And speaking of inedible, um Indelible. Indelible.

SPEAKER_04

Nuclear.

SPEAKER_08

I saw this story the other day and it was fascinating to me because they showed actual examples. This is another thing about AI. So AI is transforming our economy and the world as we speak, in some good ways and some bad. But restaurants are increasingly using AI-generated food photos for photos for menus, posters, and advertising because it's cheap, fast, and eliminates the need for professional photography. And I asked you to pull up this is a this is a menu from mom's cooking. And would you eat any of that? Those so they they want to save money on professional photography because that's what what uh companies used to do, and and and that food was all fake when it was, but it was real photography. Look at that shrimp. That looks like it's something from another planet or or a bug.

SPEAKER_03

Or something that we were talking about that we said we weren't gonna say. I mean some gland. It does look glandular, that's what I'm gonna say. That is uh no, that that's lazy. I would I'd rather just have a paper menu.

SPEAKER_08

Well, I mean so not only is it unappealing, but some of these examples that they showed actually they make people nauseous. Yeah. There they're some some of these patterns that are those look like buttholes. They look like those are shrimp. Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_03

I'll take the butthole special.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, you would think so, though somebody in marketing would come up with this and run it by somebody else and they'd go, What the hell are you doing? Yeah, but you're gonna you're seeing these, it's mostly like I hate I'm not mom and pop, you know, I'm holding that in air quotes. It's not gonna be like uh Olive Garden or you know, it's the places that can't afford to do real marketing are using these AI generated. But they're finding people walking in going, I don't want to eat anything that's on your menu. It all looks gross.

SPEAKER_03

It looks disgusting. But you know, Steve, it is the date night combo on the example that we have.

SPEAKER_08

So maybe they would like the maybe they would like those searing buttholes, anal glands. But uh here's my question for you. Would you rather see an ugly picture of the burger you're actually getting or a beautiful fake picture of a burger that you you knew never even existed?

SPEAKER_03

I I want to see the ugly picture because I used to work at the Whataburger headquarters in Corpus. And um, I would go down to the test kitchen because they would like be trying things out. Like when I when I was there when I was like 14 or whatever, it was when they first came out with the onion rings, and I would go down there every day and say, I have never tasted the onion rings before. And they would make me another batch of onions. Delicious. But then they were also taking the pictures down there for the very first one, and I saw how they did it. So like they had this like little blowchorch or something. And the mayonnaise wasn't mayonnaise, it was like lard or something because they wanted it dripping out the side.

SPEAKER_08

It's all fake. I mean, that's been going on for a long time.

SPEAKER_03

This is fake, fake.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, but for me, I don't want to go into a restaurant and see a picture of this great big juicy burger with the lettuce and tomato, and it's all stacked up real nice and high, and I go and I get it, and it's you know, it's an inch and a half tall, it's all smashed together, and the bun looks stale. That's I would rather see at least a representation of what it is rather than the you know the fully made up. I agree.

SPEAKER_03

I agree. It's like um it's like catfishing for food.

SPEAKER_08

Oh catfishing for food. You're exactly right.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that's what it is. Yes, but maybe you're into that, and we're not judging cats.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, this is somebody that's five foot two and four hundred pounds saying they're six foot three and 175 pounds, and they play football for the Baltimore Ravens.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that was very specific.

SPEAKER_08

Lots catfishing.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, good times.

SPEAKER_08

Everybody, follow us on YouTube. We're doing this right now. I don't know if it's gonna come out right or not, but uh I think it's you subscribe.

SPEAKER_03

I'm fine.

SPEAKER_08

Oh, okay. Michelle's fine. It's just yours. But follow us, subscribe on YouTube, follow us on Mallet and Michelle on Instagram. That all helps us and helps our sponsors. And thank you all for joining us once again this week on Mallet and Michelle Podcast.

SPEAKER_03

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